a few of my favourite things...

I have discovered something. That something is my new favourite time of day. And that time of day is... sunrise! Who would have thought that could even be possible. It is so rare for me to ever see the sunrise or to even be awake, though it is becoming less rare. I officially decided that it was my new favourite time when I was taking mumsy to the station the other morning. When I jumped into the car it was mostly dark, but by the time I got home it was pretty light... and the transition was just beautiful. So yes... I like it. It's perdy.

Another thing I have discovered thanks to working early is... morning people. Morning people are pleasant in the morning! Sometimes even happy... I never really knew these people existed not being one and all... but it seems they do! So pretty mornings and morning people make my being awake and existing much more bareable... in the morning.

Mornings... in particular sunrise... make me want to go to my favourite place on earth. Oh, I miss it terribly. It is my special place... its where I can truly be me... its where I can relax, reflect and recharge the best. It's my green gables, even though I did not grow up there and the gables aren't green. The house... with the carpet in the kitchen and bathrooms... the mega window that I could stare out for hours on end... the lane to walk down to the mile post and back... the other lane which leads to my favourite tree ever which I think died in a storm... the lane that continues past all the pretty ochre... that leads to the creek... my favourite body of water ever... sigh. I miss visiting Salsbury West very much. These days I can only go there in my imagination. Its not quite the same. I guess I am thinking about it so much because I am going to Bendigo on the weekend to visit my grandparents... and they used to live at my favourite place on earth. I wish they still did.

Well there you go. A few favourites. A few memories. It makes me happy.

The end.

sigh.

Maybe it is just because I got up at 5 this morning and am a little over tired, or maybe it is more than that... But I just really feel I need to cry. I'm sure that I could quite easily actually... except that I can't make noise at present.
(sigh)
I just have this heavy feeling on my spirit, and it is quite overwhelming. Its nothing really... just a whole bunch of nothings that have become something. Something that I can't quite decipher, but I know its there. I can't even be bothered finding it... I just wish it would go away.
(sigh)
Why am I complaining anyway? I'm sure everybody needs to cry over something, even if the something is actually nothing. This really makes no sense, not even to me... but I ramble to think, it's just how I am. So I am thinking out loud to nobody... it seems to be working.
(smile)
I still want to cry, I still feel overwhelmed... but it will be ok. I know that now... this is not the end of my world. It's kinda silly how writing about it can make a difference, but whatever. I gave up questioning why I am how I am a while ago now... well, in some respects... this being one of those respects. (hehe)

ok...

So now I am done. I can go to sleep now...
Goodnight...

The end.

finally...

my posts have appeared!

hmm...

Why can't I see my most recent posts? This is weird... maybe this will work.

Genie, where are you?

Oh my gosh. How hard is it to find a stupid (or not so stupid) Aladdin dvd!! I have looked in like every shop (almost) and now I have looked online. I don't want no stupid 'Aladdin AND the king or prince of thieves or whatever... I don't want no 'Jasmine is a disney princess blah blah'... And I certainly don't want no non-disney version. Even the video shops don't have it. And the few copies on ebay are more than I wish to spend right now!!

Sigh...

If I had three wishes right now, I would be a happy girl and I would be watching aladdin!

Ok, so that was like my third post for tonight... but I promise... I am going to sleep now.

The end.

I heart ellipsis...

Ok, so I just posted... But it is so overwhelmingly clear that I am obsessed with '...' (That kind of looks like a little monster...) But see... I can't stop!! And I promise I am not doing it more so because I am writing about it... its just what happens naturally!

Ok... So I am really confirming my weirdness now!

The end.

I just had a memory...

I have this thing. I think of memories and funny things that have happened... and I laugh. I spose you do it too, right? Well... Today when I was at work, I had a memory about something. (Another thing... I say 'I had a memory' instead of 'I remember'). I am about to share that memory with you now...

I think I thought of it coz I caught a reflection of my hair in a window or something, and a customer earlier had commented on how much they loved my hair. And I had the thought... 'Today? Ha, my hair is bad...' and then I thought its usually when I think my hair is bad that I get the most comments. But then I thought... about the memory. The funny one that is... which made me laugh. It wasn't actually that funny... but its like I just got it... at that moment. And I laughed.

( the actual memory )
So the other day, I was in a shop with my friend, and she was paying for something... I saw her licence photo, and I commented it. Then I said how my licence photo was bad because I have bum hair... (this was in front of the shop people) and she was like 'do you mean your hair was bad' (or something like that) and she said it in a funny quick way like I had made a mistake in saying what I had said... And then I was like 'no... well yes... I have bum hair...' and then I showed her the photo. And then she was like ohhhh... (Really you need to see it to get how it is bum hair, but anyhoo...)

So when I had this memory today... I realised how funny and odd it sounded that I said I had 'bum hair'. And I realised how it sounded from her perspective. So thats when the laughing happened...

But as I was laughing over my memory... a girl I work with asked me what time I was finishing... And I was laughing as I was telling her and she seemed so confused. I had to apologise and tell her that I thought of something funny, and not to worry.

Ahh gosh. So I am weird... but at least it makes my life a little more entertaining! And now from this one memory comes another for me to laugh about in the future... just as I am laughing now!

The end.

I want...

to cut my hair. Like not really cut it cut it as in get a "new" haircut... but as in I want to get the scissors and chop at it. Sigh. I have issues with chopping at my hair. Well, not real issues... but it definately takes up too much of my head space. HA! ... no pun intended. What I mean to say is that I will be trying to grow it, and then it will get to a decent length and I have this compulsion to chop... and I start all over again. I like my hair shorter... I really do. But I want it long too. Coz I am a weirdo and can't make up my mind! Anyhoo... Today, I want to chop at my hair. Particularly at my fringe. Which is my biggest weakness. I always manage to get it working fine long... then I forget and get the scissors out. I was determined to leave it grow... but I can't help myself.

Sigh.

It is a constant battle... And I shall fight until the end.

thinking...

Well, It has been a long time since I have had a good blog. Not that any in the past have been that great... but oh well. Now is the time to write... and so I shall!

Today is Saturday the 14th of July, 2007. Outside it looks sunny-ish, but it feels rather cold. A lovely winter day. I can hear an aeroplane flying in the sky, and several cars driving past a little too fast. I can also hear the microwave beeping... how lovely.

At this very moment, I am pondering all that there is to ponder. What to to wear tomorrow, what to do next week... and most importantly, what to be when I grow up. I should really hurry up and figure that one out, seeing I am pretty much almost grown up. You see, the problem is that I change my mind too often. And then I can't make up my mind at all. And then... well, I just don't know what to do! Having said that, I do have some idea what I want to be... and I have been here before. I do want to do it, but then I get scared that I will suck at it. I guess I am afraid of failing... and also afraid of not getting the chance to try. This current want has been a recurring want. I have skipped between wanting to do this and wanting to do something else. I actually tried to pursue the something else. I auditioned... I got a call back... and then, I got rejected. But it is ok... because it just simply wasn't meant to be, at least not at that time. And... I did try. But now... I don't even want to do that anymore. I'm happy that it didn't work out. But, is that just because I am scared? Because it would have been hard? I guess I can't be completely clear on that matter.

Back to the present want.

It will be hard. Many fail. I will have to work extremely hard to get up to standard to even have a chance at it. And even then... Will I be any good at it? With this one, I am almost scared of trying. But I want to anyway.

But then...

Is that what I am meant to do? Am I just being selfish... I mean, I just want to do it because I want to. It's not like its going to change the world or anything. Am I meant for bigger things? For different things? Eek. What does God want me to do. I really don't know. But at the same time... He can use anything I do. I might as well just start somewhere. Why not here? If I am not careful, I will end up doing nothing. I really don't want that to happen.

But for now... I am happy, because I have thought.

The end.